The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Ive read dozens of books on the psychology of relationships, but this is one of the best and most useful Ive ever seen. Gary Chapmans unique concept of "The 5 Love Languages" (Affirmations, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Physical Touch) describes how knowing and using the 5 love languages can improve and deepen loving relationships, while misunderstanding them can cause harm. The information in this book is well-organized, easy to read and understand, and includes lots of stories that are not only interesting, but clearly illustrate the authors point. There is also a self-assessment tool at the end, plus links to additional info online.

Dr. Chapmans basic concept is that "5 love languages" are commonly used in committed relationships to express love and affection toward ones partner. Chapman explains that loving couples can run into trouble if they dont know and understand their own dominant love language or that of their partner. A relationship can thrive if and when each person understands which specific love language is most important to themselves and also knows and honors their partners most important way of receiving love, which is often different from their own. All 5 of the love languages are equally useful and valid; none are better or more preferred than any other. They simply reflect how an individuals unique needs, expectations, and personality are expressed by the ways they most want to receive love from their partner.

Dr. Chapman devotes a chapter to each of "The 5 Love Languages" using stories from his practice as a licensed Marriage and Family Counselor to show the need for using the correct expressions of love and how using the wrong love language can damage an otherwise good relationship. For example, if a wifes dominant love language is affirmations (including compliments, encouragement, appreciation, and gratitude) but her husband doesnt understand how important these positive words are to her, he might think its OK to tease her about her looks, accuse her of being lazy, or criticize her cooking. When she needs kind and supportive words but hears insults and put-downs instead, she will feel unloved, no matter what else he does to show he cares. He could surprise her with flowers, hug and kiss her when he comes home, fix the leaky faucet, or offer to take the kids to the park, but still, if he does not give her the words she needs, she will feel unappreciated and unfulfilled. On the other hand, if the husbands dominant love language is spending quality time with his wife, but his wife thinks that taking good care of the house & kids and cooking him a nice meal every night is the best way to show him her love, he will feel resentful and misunderstood. What he needs most is for her to set aside time for listening and sharing with him, for making plans, and spending quality time one-on-one. If she does not understand how important quality time is to him, that will damage their relationship. Having a weekly date night is probably the most important thing this couple could do to improve their marriage.

"The 5 Love Languages" is written specifically for married couples, but the advice could easily be applied to ANY relationship, including family and friends. The author has written other books using the 5 languages concept, such as "The 5 Love Languages" for parents - how to express love to their children and teens. Some kids thrive on physical touch when young, but the kind of touch is likely to change when they become teens. Some kids rely on quality time with one or both parents, while others want more time alone but still need to hear lots of affirmations. I wish I had known about "The 5 Love Languages" when my kids were little, but now that they are grown I can still use what Ive learned to improve all my relationships.

Overall, this book is the real deal, both important and useful. I highly recommend "The 5 Love Languages" to anyone wanting to learn how to improve and express love in their relationships.

It is definitely a good book for couples and it has improved my relationship with my wife. If nothing else it shows you what things your partner is really looking for out of their spouse. I quickly found that my love language was "Acts of Service". Though it might not be sexy or macho to say that, it means more to me to have the dishes and laundry done when I come home after work or have minor home improvements taken care of before I get home. My wife and I have 2 small children and our house is hard to stay clean because every room feels like a mess. We do clean it all the time but it feels like a losing battle. My wifes love language is "Words of Affirmation". As you can tell from all these Amazon reviews I am much more of a writer than I am a talker. My wife is always looking for me to say how much I love and appreciate her because I dont say it often enough.

A big part of improving your relationship with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is to sticking with a date night to make sure you have quality time together. Especially if you have children or a high stress occupation. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and got stuck in the rut of an endless routine of doing everything we could for our kids, followed by daily chores and left little time for ourselves. Committing to 1 date night a week has really helped our relationship and improved our communication.

I recommend the book for sure and found it inspiring and worth reading. All couples can benefit from reading this book. The only downside is I wish it could have been a little longer. The stories from the author are interesting and I would have liked to have heard a bunch of his other examples of couples that he has dealt with. It was a short book and my wife and I finished it in 4 or 5 days and that was reading it slowly. The price is easily affordable. I found it best to photo copy the test quiz at the end instead of writing in the book so we can give the book to any family or friends who are struggling with their relationship.

So true and revealing! Loved reading this book!

Educational for helping with relationships ..affordable & easy read.

Extremely practical and amazing to know about this information, not exclusively for intimate but ALL forms of relationships. Know yourself and others, and it helps you navigate sharing Love so well :)

This book was great. I learned so much about relationships and making them work. I love how the author talks about filling each other’s love tank. Who knows how many relationships / marriages could have been saved if couples read this book. Doesn’t matter if you’re single or married, I would recommend reading this.

I was once asked to read this book by the only person in the world I love.....I refused. At the time I figured it to be some shrinks opinion on how we should all be in our relationships....what the hell does he know I thought.....what if he is wrong and my future wife bases our whole future on just what he says.....I imagined this book to be some guy with opinions on how to fix problems that he knows nothing about because he doesnt know "us". Its not a good feeling as a man to agree to read a book on relationships because you feel like youre putting everything into the authors hands.....and what if he "doesnt understand" or what if the advice doesnt apply to us.....what if it makes things worse between us because he advises things we dont believe in.....no....Im not reading that I told her.
I thought no matter what we would always figure each other out and we would be ok......I didnt see being asked to read this book , was a cry out from the woman I love hitting a boiling point and her attempt to communicate to me in a different way......the same things shes been trying to for a long time.....
Being close minded that day costed me so much regret and misery....I used to wake up to the most beautiful smile in the world and now I dont....I recently ended up reading this book and I couldnt put it down....sounds crazy but its true. Instead of being some guys opinions or......typical shrink talk that in no way could apply to each specific relationship.......I found it to be a book that opens up the mind to the understanding of love.....and how it is not this one universal "language" we all feel we should be the same with.....I once told her...."nobody taught me how to love, Im growing....learning".....I pleased with her to understand I love her.......we simply didnt have an understanding of how and why we didnt approach love the exact same way as each other.....only makes sense that it should be the same right? You bicker and argue and it drives you crazy......why doesnt she understand you think.......the book is not an excuse to use or justify a true bad relationship let me add.....but it truly answers so many questions.....it is really a language of love. Once understood, this book leaves you feeling like a fool and only wanting to apply so much of what youve now learned to your future together. It takes away the work of trying to understand the things that at the time make no sense.....and allows you to focus on whats important....loving instead of wasting precious time. Read it carefully and I recommend reading it together.....I didnt get that chance but I can guarantee reading this book with who you love will allow you both to stop frequently throughout the pages and talk,learn,smile, probably cry.....but then go on to a much happier fulfilling life together once the book is closed. It can save so much if you only let it.

*Update 12-1-17

I drive a bus so I have nothing but time to think as I look out the window and look up at the sky looking around me. You would probably think of screaming kids and noise but for me it is driving in my own little world and using time to think about life
I am a trainer so I spend my time trying to help people learn how to maintain their body and prevent problems. And the funny thing is that it is are very choices of what we do to our own bodies that I am teaching to have to change. All of our problems nutritionally and physically and even mentally come down too poor choice and repetitive habits that we know we need to change but never do until its too late. Every single person reading this can relate to that
My point about what I do is that I spend a lot of time trying to fix my body because professionals out there either wont take the time to do it or I dont have the money to spend on who is needed. I have spent countless months doing stretches and exercises and what I have found is a lot of times Im doing the exact same stretches and exercises that dont seem to be working. Soooo......why not do different ones then right...... what a lot of reasons it may feel good, you may not know any other stretches or exercises, you may simply believe that if I just do it one more time again tomorrow....THAT it will finally help..... you just believe in that stretch so much that in your mind you just say Ill keep trying. You are maybe even making things worse by this but youre honest to God intentions are to completely cure one of the biggest problems in your life, pain...... I think you see where Im getting at.
Getting a little long for whoever is reading but there is a lot of meaning here that can help who knows thousands of people as long as this review remains online......
I will just end it like this..... last night I took a stretch that I have been doing for over 2 years and I changed it in a slightly different way....... a lot of the pain I normally get daily is gone.......
just to put a spotlight on that sentence .....Im saying that what I had been doing for so long..... trying to cure one of the biggest problems in my life that hadnt been working............that I continued doing........ believing in and depending on.... to be my much needed answer.......It wasnt until I allowed the idea of the same stretch applied in a different way, that I ALLOWED life to be better for me.
I did not say this stretch doesnt matter anymore and say forget it to never exist again.....no, I used it to COMMUNICATE with my body in the same exact physical form....just different language from mind to body....because I always believed in it.

Belief can be amazing and help you....it also can be your own worst enemy when refuse to change your ways.....lots of time I lost believing my way instead of another.....all while would have given anything to accomplish my goal......once again I stood in my own way......but I didnt give up.....otherwise pain would still be here and I wouldnt have came on here to add all these thoughts.

You have to go into the book with an open mind because if you do it with the mindset of wanting it to say what it is that you want to hear.....then you can never let the life-changing words happen.......youre learning a language as you read...not whats right and wrong but what was being lost in life.

Keep in mind this is a book about the language of love so if you think about when you go to school to learn a different language...you are taking the difficult step of taking time there in order to understand.....be able to take what you understand and apply it.....and be able to communicate in a NEEDED way once you learn....AND THEN USE......communicate and UNDERSTAND eachother.
Just think how you feel when you meet somebody and you want to communicate but you cant and you get frustrated. you are trying to figure out what you want the other person to know and theyre trying to tell or show you..... it becomes stressful and sometimes you end up walking away from each other never knowing the real meaning that was right there between the two of you. When you are able to speak the same language this simply does not happen.....
The same two people if were able to learn the same language, could come back in front of one another again and.....just imagine......imagine the possibilities with that communication.......so much never lost again.
The exact same message and the exact same feelings that were always there, except now instead of the stress of not understanding, there is the excitement for anything to be possible just by coming together and understanding.....
The power of language is amazing........think of when you meet somebody and theyre able to speak five or six different languages, you are in awe and wish you could do it.
well imagine being able to speak the one language in life that is the most unexplainable, powerful language and meaning of life, love....
I would also like to mention the fact that if these two people sat down and learn each others languages together how helpful that is.....and how much easier it is to be able to learn how to communicate with the exact person that youre trying to ........spending time helping each other learn different languages.......TOGETHER.
Bus is parked.

This is by far the simplest explanation of the 5 love Languages! Easy read and everyone can benefit from it!

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